When you feel like your head is going to explode.

I had a terrible dream about an earth tremor. One of those 'i'll get away' sort of dreams. So I ran and ran and ran, but the tremor was relentless following my every turn like the ripples on water undulating until I woke up compleatly exhausted.

I had given up smoking 3 days earlier and put it down to withdrawals. I drank more than I would normally have done and put the dream down to withdrawal and excessive alcohol intake. I told my wife about the dream as it had disturbed so much. The garden still had to be done, so after breakfast exhausted as I was, I went out into the garden........ During the endless amount of mowing I decided I will have a day off go to static caravan I have and dress, faff, and just be me.

Arrangements were made and altered and changed and moved about until I would only have 1 hour free........(it takes me more than that to put my make-up on). So my day away was postponed until the following week and again postponed. This sounds so familiar, it was this scenario that nearly got me killed by a run-a-way lorry trailer (see story "Will I ever get there"). If I don't go tomorrow I don't think I will make the following day. Disregarding anything that was planned Tuesday will be spent dressed. I drank less Monday night knowing I had made a decision and spent most of the night planning what to wear (dependent on weather) and where I decide I might go. Tuesday eventually came and within half an hour of getting out of bed I was in the caravan doing what I should have done 3 months ago. I spent an hour getting dressed, had a coffee and biscuits then spent another hour putting on my make-up until I lost him and the inner me emerged. Happy with the way I looked I packed a few things in my handbag, stuffed my 'instant man' clothes in a carrier bag (complete with nail polish remover and make-up remover). Went to the car and put it all tidyly in the boot. I closed the boot and stood upright as if to say here we go.......

I dont know how long I was out, but it couldn't have been long, 2 maybe 3 seconds. I could feel this boiling waxy liquid being slowly poured over the crown of my head and an intense pulsing inside it. Jesus I'm having a stroke I thought. I walked back to the caravan, calmly went inside and removed my nail-polish, make-up, clothes etc. it took about 10-12 minites I recall. I looked in the big mirror and saw him looking back at me, he was thinking this maybe the last time I see myself. The pain was building up and I felt my vision working overtime to make sense of my surroudings............got to get to hospital...............

I felt on a different plain somehow, like some kind of drug induced dreamstate. I climed into my car and proceeded to drive the 16 miles to the nearest hospital. Persperation was stinging my eyes and I was constantly wipeing them. My face face was burning and the pain in my head was incredible. I didn't think I had much time left as the left arm slumped between the seats, my left shoulder was slowly drooping and I prepared to ditch the car into anything. I switched all my lights on including my hazards. Would you believe it,I didn't see a single car for 15 miles. As I arrived at the hospital car park I realised my sight, my focal point did not correspond with what was actaully there. The disorientation became more acute as I stepped out of the car. I pushed the car door closed with my body. I could not orientate at all, the wall I saw and went to lean against wasn't where my eyes told me, I stumbled and realised my body was shaking violently. I felt my way along the wall until I got to the main entrance. I dragged myself in like Boris Karloff would do as 'The Mummy' and said to the receptionist "I think I need a doctor" to which she replied "I think you do".

I was awakened by lots of doctors and nurses rushing around me in some kind of ordered chaos. I was probed, prodded, undressed, injected and told that I had just had a brain haemorrhage.

*^?"!** typical.

How I have still retained my sense of humour is beyond me, but I have!
I could think along the lines 'you were never meant to dress at all'!
I could think that my luck was not given to me at birth!
I could think that I am lucky to still be alive!
But I know that when my eyesight returns to normal and my hearing and speech returns to an acceptable level I WILL go to my caravan and dress, as Georgina insists.

I was as close to death as is possible, but the thought of being exposed still raised it's ugly head.......even more reason to persevere with this sites purpose!